Sunday, March 2, 2014


I will admit something here that I've barely admitted to myself.  I had given up on getting Tanya home.  I hadn't really told myself this and had generally avoided the topic.  I'm sleeping downstairs on my futon (yes partly because it costs a fortune to heat my second floor) to avoid the second floor of my house - where Tanya's room sits ready.  My niece and nephews slept in my newly bedroomized basement this past Christmas partly so that no one would be in Tanya's room.  Even when I had to go upstairs, her door stayed shut and I looked the other way.  I'm pretty good at avoiding problems.... clearly.

And then a simple request changed things.  My parents asked to borrow a space heater.  The only space heater in my house is the one I bought two years ago when I still worked at Sears (got a great deal...) for Tanya's room because my upstairs doesn't get very warm.  It was still new in the box in the corner of her room.  So I had to go upstairs.  I had to open her door, looking at her adorable name pillow as I turned the doorknob.  Her clothes peeked out from the closet, her books just sat on her nightstand, and her little elephant and blanket that were supposed to be her airplane comforts rested on her dresser.  I tried not to linger, but I couldn't help it.  As much as the hole in my stomach was growing, I could not help but to touch her jumpers and pick up her little shoes.  I fixed the blankets on her bed and put away a few pieces of clothing that were still sitting on top of her dresser.  And then I cried.  I cried so much I couldn't breathe.  But I had places to be, so I picked up the heater, put it in the car, and headed to the parent's house.  The entire drive was a fight to not completely lose it.  "Get it together," I kept saying to myself, and then I'd break again.  By the time I walked up to the door, I'd gathered myself.  When asked about the box, I simply replied that yes, the heater was new.  And then a beautiful niece and nephew arrived with cries of, "Aunt Jennie!" and a joy that was great enough to push my shadows to the side.

Realizing that I'd given up was a terrible awakening for me.  Luckily, I've had two amazing kids to keep me distracted this weekend.  And then I went to church this morning.  Blessed thing, my church is.  Prayer was the topic of the sermon, and as my pastor talked about his amazing answer to his recent prayer, a little piece of hope and God and prayer and miracles started to form in my mind.  That even though things are so very bleak (read any of the news about Russia lately?), that does not stop the possibility of a miracle.  We need a miracle at this point, I know.  A miracle is the only thing that could bring Tanya home.  And I know that not everyone gets their miracles - I've prayed for them before and seen God answer, "No."  But that doesn't mean I should stop praying - that we should stop praying for a miracle.  As we took an extended time to pray this morning, different miracle scenarios started to play in my head.  So if it is God's will (the tricky part), I believe that a miracle can happen.  We should all believe that a miracle can happen.

Here's where I ask for your help, once again.  I know a lot of you read and support me here, but we're a community of lurkers.... So I ask for you to pray for a miracle with me.  Would you do that?  If you're willing to join with me in praying for the miracle of getting Tanya home somehow, please comment below.  I still hope to share this blog with her someday, and I'd love to show her all the people who helped to get her miracle.  Please join me in praying that somehow God will bring Tanya home.

Matthew 7:7  "Ask, and it will be given to you seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you."

Matthew 21:22  "And whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive, if you have faith.”