Saturday, May 10, 2014

Being a Mother

I've seen the many blog posts, poems, and articles about the need for sensitivity on Mother's Day.  Yes, it is a wonderful day to celebrate our mothers, grandmothers, and the other mothers in our lives.  But yes, it is also a difficult day for those of us who do not have our children with us for whatever reason.

Last year, this day was really hard.  The adoption ban had been in effect just long enough for us to start losing hope, and there I sat, a childless mother.  My church did a fantastic job of being sensitive to these things, but I was still sitting there alone - and Tania was still in St. Petersburg.

I was not the only childless mother I knew at that point.  My sister was going through a pregnancy loss, and I'd seen my other sister deal with the death of her child.  Mother's Day is not all flowers and cards, folks.  For some of us, it's just painful.

But this year, I'm choosing to celebrate my motherhood.  Even with the incredible distance between me and Tania and the relative lack of hope, I choose to celebrate all she has done for me.  She made me a mom.  Could I ask for more than that?  I wasn't sure I'd ever be a mother -- time had caught up with me and the cards just hadn't played in my favor.  But then there she was -- a child so clearly born to be my daughter that no one could possibly deny it.  She has taught me patience, perseverance, faith, and hope.  Without her -- well, I cannot imagine a life without her, even though she is thousands of miles away.

I know there will be no hand print crafts or indecipherable cards, but I still choose to celebrate.  My daughter has changed my life, and for that I will rejoice.

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