So I pray. I pray and I pray and I pray. I pray that the processing will go quickly and all will be well. But mostly I pray for peace and comfort for me and for Tanya. She doesn't even know about any of this! I do know that she feels our prayers, so I will continue to pray. Only God knows the right timing for these things, and I have to let go and trust that all will happen as it should.
Friday, February 24, 2012
Well, it's done. The next big step in the process for me is done, and now our fate rests in others' hands. I thought I would be so excited to send in the application part 2. I thought I would feel so relieved to have it done. But something about knowing that this is so very final (and discovering that I still have negative net worth . . . stupid student loans) is more disconcerting to me than I thought it would be. What if they don't like my answers? What if my house isn't good enough, big enough, fancy enough? What if I don't make enough money? What if, what if, what if??? I will admit that after I mailed out the packet today, I got to my second job early, sat in the parking lot, and cried. I'm still not sure why I cried. I think it was a combination of relief, fear, and total exhaustion (I figured out the other day that I'm working 80 hours a week, taking 6 graduate credit hours, and still trying to find time to run). I am so afraid that something will go terribly awry at this point and I will lose her. Most of me understands that I don't really have her yet, that she isn't officially mine yet, but my heart doesn't see it that way.
Posted by JennaJo at 6:19 PM